


Practical Heart

by EdensWonderland



Series: Suffer Me [1]
Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Alcohol, And I'm not sorry, Angst, Drinking, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Feelings, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I thought the Angst and Fluff would cancel each other out, I wanted to write fluff and then this happened, Not Beta Read, and not all that important, it's really minimal tho, they do not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 00:01:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28751085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EdensWonderland/pseuds/EdensWonderland
Summary: V turns up at Judys appartement trying to help Evelyn. A talk ensues and both Judy and V try to deal with their guilt.
Relationships: Judy Alvarez & Evelyn Parker, Judy Alvarez & Female V, Judy Alvarez/Female V, Judy Alvarez/V
Series: Suffer Me [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2107821
Comments: 14
Kudos: 87





	Practical Heart

**Author's Note:**

> I'm neither a native englisch speaker nor do I have a beta reader, so I can guarantee you that the text isn't mistake free.

Fiddling with the box in her hands V stands in front of Judy’s apartment. Her eyes twitch from the intercom to the door and back. Maybe she should try again? Judy might have not heard her, or she forgot that she is standing here or she-  
The door gives of a short buzz before Judy’s head appears in front of V.

“Hey”, she breathes.

Judy always manages to take away her breath, without noticing no less.

“Heya.”

The answer is short and not as upbeat as V is used to.

“Can I… come in?”, she asks carefully.

“Oh yeah! Sure!”

Judy opens the door wider and steps out of the way. V sends her an appreciative smile and walks inside.  
She looks over Judy’s shoulder in hopes of finding Evelyn. Is she still in bed?

“Whatcha doin’ here?”, Judy questions, seemingly not noticing the box in V’s arms.  
She sounds tired and defeated. V decides that she doesn’t like it.

“I’m here because of Evelyn.”

V only realizes that she should have probably rephrased that, when Judy tenses and immediately shifts into a defensive stance.

“Listen V, if you just came by to question Eve further, I’m gonna have to kick you out!”

“No, I don’t- I actually brought some things… for…”, V trailed of, looking to the ground sheepishly, feeling like an absolute gonk for assuming that Judy would welcome her idea.

“Huh?”

V huffs and tries to explain what happened as best and non-creepily as she can.

“Well, after we got Evelyn out of… that place, I was concerned by her state and wanted to help. I figured that havin’ somethin’ familiar around might help her recover, y’know? It’s just really useful to have somethin’ at hand that she can feel, or hear that reminds her of- home?”.

V isn’t really sure that ‘home’ would be the correct word to use for Evelyn. She didn’t strike her as someone who would settle somewhere for a longer period of time.

“So, I asked a bit around tryin’ to figure out where she is- was- would be currently staying”, V fumbles with her words, “Went there, got some stuff I thought she might wanna have and came her.”

“V that’s- that’s really thoughtful of you”, Judy loses the tension and slumps against the counter again. This time though she wears a small, genuine smile, “Thank you”.

“It’s- Don’t mention it. No problem.”

“Still, thank you. It means a lot to me… and to her, too. Just put it in her room.”

She noticed how Judy described it as Evelyn’s room, not her own.

V went ahead and entered the bedroom and put the box down next to the closet.

Evelyn was lying in bed. Completely still. If not for the little breathing motions of her shoulder, one could mistake her for a statue. Or worse. Dead.  
At least she was dressed in new clothes – they looked like they once belonged to Judy – and not in the awfully bloody Cloud uniform.

Others might say that it just served to make her look more pitiful; all pale and stiff and afraid.  
But to V, she had never looked stronger. This woman had survived so much shit and yet she is still here. And V’d do anything to keep it that way.

As V slowly stepped back into the living room, Judy was rummaging through the cupboards. She perked up when she heard her footsteps and regarded her with unguarded curiosity.

“You want somethin’ to drink?”

“I wouldn’t want to put more work on you.”

“Hey, it’s all fine! So, you want somethin’?”

“Uh… a beer? Would be fine, I mean!”

“I can whip that up. One beer, comin’ right up.”

V leaned against the open window. Judy stepped next to her and extended the bottle. She took it thankfully and sipped from it.

“This is nice”, she whispered, looking at the bottle as to avoid Judy’s eyes.

“I oughta thank you”, Judy answered.

“What for?”, V looked up in surprise.

“I dunno. Everything, I guess. For helpin’ Eve, for findin’ her, for bein’ such a good friend to both of us”, then she whispered quieter, “Hell, just for being ‘ere right now”.

“Judy, that’s nothin’ you have to thank me for.”

“Well since this city seems to have forgotten human decency, I do think it’s important that you know how much you mean to me. A-and what y-you do too, of course!”

“Of course”, V smiled.

Then she took another sip and stared at Judy.

“Somethin’ on my face?”, the girl asked and wiped a hand over her cheek.

“Y’know I’m just one call away, right? Always.”

The sincerity in Vs voice so obvious, as was the love and care she held for her newfound… friend. Just a friend, she scolded herself in her head.

“Yeah. Thanks. I honestly don’t know what I’d be doin’ without you.”

V turned to the window and stared outside. She took another sip.  
It was quiet.

But V had more to say. It was eating at her and not in a sexy way. It was like… like something dark resided under her skin, just waiting for the opportunity to jump out and destroy or consume.

“I just- Every time I think back to what happened, I get so angry!”, V spit out and waved her bottle around.

Judy jumped at the outburst and looked at her attentively.

V wanted to hit something, but this wasn’t her apartment and she could never do that to Judy.  
So, she reigned in her temper and pressed her fist against the windowsill. Minding the fact that Evelyn was still recovering in the next room she lowered her voice.

“What those fuckin’ assholes did to Evelyn- god she didn’t deserve any of it! I can’t say that I knew her well, for all I know I woulda been ready to strangle her myself after the damned mission failed, but she was- she was- she is good! She tried to help people and I respect that. Hell, I admire her for it! To do something like that takes a lotta balls in our fucked-up world.”

It was quiet again. Only the noise of the cars outside and the occasional gunshot rang out.

V visibly deflated. She hadn’t meant to unload all of this on Judy. It wasn’t fair to her.  
But before she could apologize for all her baggage, Judy took this moment of vulnerability and opened up a little of herself.

“I’m scared that she won’t get better. And it terrifies me even more that she might, and then she’ll blame me for not bein’ there soon enough for her”, Judy admitted.

“Judy. Judy stop! Listen to me”, V turned to her in less than a second. Her gaze unwavering and certain. For the first time in weeks.

Judy looked at her.

“You tried everything you could. You fought to get her back an’ you have her here with you now, because you were strong enough to push through all the shit that was thrown your way. And Evelyn will do the same.”

She spoke with such conviction that Judy wanted to believe her. She truly did.

“I just- I can’t help but seein’ the Evelyn I knew. The strong one, who was not afraid to take on anyone or anythin’ no matter how impossible it seemed. Who was all bite and could never get enough. Who reached for the stars and instead grabbed the entire universe, because her fire just burned brighter than anyone could ever imagine. And I’m afraid I won’t get that Evelyn back.”

“I understand”, V took hold of Judy’s cheek, “This will change her, it’s inevitable. But you can help her get through it. To heal into someone who won’t be terrorized by what happened. Someone who can see a future for themselves.”

“And you didn’t let her down! Never think that way again! You saved her, and you continue to save her now! This”-she gestured around the room with the beer in her hand-“is how far you have already come! And you won’t give up now.”

Judy chuckled. V let her hand fall to her side.

“You ever done this before?”, Judy asked and chuckled, feeling a bit better than before.

“What, drink a beer with a friend? Because I can assure you, contrary to popular beliefs I do have friends”, V tried to lighten the mood.

Judy smiled.

“No, you idiot”, she slapped her arm playfully.

Then she grew somber again.

“Helped someone grieve. An’ tell them it’s not their fault.”

“You mean after someone died?”

“Yeah.”

V looked away.

“I’ve had to do my share of that. More than I woulda liked.”

“Everythin’ you do seems so easy. Like you are so sure of yourself, as if live couldn’t surprise you with anything.”

V laughed dryly. Then turned to the window again and chucked the rest of the bottle down. She ran a hand over her face and sighed wearily.

“I… lost someone… a long time ago. The pain and the guild from it nearly destroyed me then an’ I still haven’t managed to completely shake of either of ‘em.”

Judy looked surprised but made no move to stop V in her monologue.

“I still wish that back then I woulda had someone to tell me it’d be alright one day – or as close as it gets to okay – an’ that it wasn’t my fault but… I was alone. And that ain’t good for anyone.”

“’s that why you’re here? Because you want to tell me what you never heard?”

V looked up again. The pain she felt was clearer than ever in her, and it frightened Judy to imagine a younger V, trying to deal with death all on her own, thinking she was at fault and no one there to help her pick up the pieces.  
But V shook her head.

“I’m here, cause I’m your friend. Who knows, maybe even Evelyn’s? And that means that I make sure the both of you are goin’ to be alright and that you understand that what happened was out of your control. Sometimes, when there is no other way all we can do is… let go.”

It was quiet again. V put the empty beer bottle down and inhaled deeply.

“Thank you. It means a lot to me- you mean a lot to me”, Judy admitted after a while.

V wanted to answer, but suddenly felt the familiar tingle of another relic malfunction coming up. She gulped, then forced a smile on her face. She couldn’t – wouldn’t – burden Judy with any more problems.  
Not only that, but she had to get out fast.

“’Course. Y’know I’m always available. Just gimme a call, and I’ll be there. Always.”

“I appreciate it. Truly.”

V pushed herself of the window frame and walked a step. The dizziness began, and she ground her teeth together to stop herself from crying out.

She turned around again, this time a real smile on her face. Even if it was small: “I’ll be back soon. Promise!”

Then she left the apartment fast. In panic.

The door clicked shut behind her.

Instantly she doubled over, clutching her stomach, her head spinning. She felt the urge to vomit, but Judy would hear her, so she suppressed it and gulped down air instead.  
She tried to stand, but it was too hard to even move so instead she let her back fall against the cool wall behind her. Her head lolled back and she closed her eyes.

Maybe she could pretend – for just a second – that her world was alright. That not everything was slowly falling apart.  
But it didn’t work. It never did.

She cursed the universe like it was the reason for all her misery and she cursed Arasaka and Johnny and everyone who came to her mind until she felt the urge to throw up her breakfast subside.  
Finally, she thought.

Then V stood up and left. But she remembered her promise to come back. And this one she knew, she would hold. If not for her, then for Judy.


End file.
